There Will be Disappointments

Today I got my leap scores back. They weren't bad, but they weren't as good as I would of liked. Before I opened them, I prayed and told God that I knew that the scores were part of His will. But even knowing that, when I opened them, I wasn't satisfied. I do well in school so if I didn't do well, I started to think of how others might have done. Then I started thinking, what if someone in my class did better than I did. I know I'm going to be upset. I really need to pray about it and tell God that I know there is a reason why I performed this way. It really bothers me because I am disappointed in myself, and this helps decide the classes I will be able to take next year. In the big scheme of things this isn't that big of a deal but right now it seems pretty bad. At church I didn't feel like doing much but I tried not to think about it. That is very difficult. I think it is going to take time for me to accept this. I know this definitely happened for a reason because it determines a lot for next year. I just can't seem to see the big picture, but I know God does. It's all in His hands. Thank goodness it's not in mine. This experience really humbles me because sometimes I get prideful about my academic achievements.

Refuge was Totally Cool!

All right, I went to Refuge tonight and some pretty crazy things happened. I had received the Baptism of the Holy Spirit about a month or two ago. I hadn't ever really spoke in tongues. The night I received the Baptism of the Holy Spirit I could feel the Holy Spirit and kind of just muttered(if that makes since) something. Anyway, I haven't really spoke in tongues until tonight. I just let go and began speaking in tongues. And even as Tweez spoke I almost couldn't stop. It was crazy cool. My parents have pretty much gone to Baptist church for the last like 15 years.FYI( Baptists, in general, don't speak in tongues.) So talking to them about it is crazy. They haven't experienced this yet, so they can't relate very well. Then on top of all that when my parents, mostly my dad, picked me up they made comments about the music people were listening to and whatever else. That made me so upset. I try to explain that I have grown so much spiritually since attending Refuge. I feel like they can't relate; they're so traditional. I told my dad he needs to try to understand and even suggesting they come and see for themselves next week. I don't understand how Christian parents can be skeptical about church. It just isn't like it used to be, I guess. Has anyone else been through something like this? I don't understand why I have to go through this. I mean it's church. I think it's just because they were Baptist and like things traditional.

ANY IDEAS!

I have to give a presentation in Bible class next week on leadership. I was wondering if any of you'll have any cool information concerning leadership. Maybe a verse,website, or any notes from a sermon. Please post a comment if you have any good ideas. I'm going to be looking this week. Thanks!

Faith

So often I feel I'm so strong in my faith. Then it seems like minutes later the devil is like are you sure you really believe Jesus is here and can really help you, does He really love you? Then I think of course I'm sure. It seems like we quickly forget what Jesus has brought us through and how real He has been in our lives. It's so crazy. He is so real to me, but the devil still tries to convince of these crazy ideas. The devil also tries to tell me I'm going to give into temptation and won't be able to stand my ground, but yet I know I do not think I could ever let myself do those things. God also ALWAYS gives us a way out of temptation and will not put you through something you can't handle. That is such a great thing! I feel the more God is real in my life the harder it gets. The last few months have been awesome, scary, and difficult. Not to mention emotional. I have grown more spiritually these last few months than ever before. Every time I start to get comfortable, God rocks my world. It is awesome but very tiring. I could never get through without God giving me strength. He always seems to have it under control even when I'm so scared and worried. He always takes care of everything, the scary, the silly, the big, and the little. I don't kow if I'm the only one who goes throught things like this, I'm sure plenty of people go through it, but just don't talk about it. Anyway, no matter who goes through these types of things, God is always my Hiding place, Strength, and my Refuge. Just to let you'll know, I 'm new to Refuge and just wanted to tell you'll I have met some really nice people and it has been easy to get involved. You'll really have a welcoming enviroment. I have been enjoying coming, and I hope I continue to meet more people. To all you'll Refuge people, you are doing a good job of reaching out to new people and to the community. See ya Wednesday.

God Totally Wants Me to be Thankful

Tonight Refuge was awesome! We watched a movie about Emmy, a boy from Uganda. It was so sad. His dad died of Aids and in the movie his mom also died of Aids. It was crazy. Sometimes we take for granted our parents and think they will always be there. Emmy thought so too. I began to think of how life would be without my wonderful parents. It was really scary. I don't know how I would even make it, all I could think was God would give me the strength. Anyway, it would be horrible. I don't know how anyone could ever go through that and be able to move on and live life to the fullest. Then once again in worship God totally changed my perspective. The song said For your kingdom we will cry, For your orphans we will pray unending, nations will be called, For this is the creed of your generation. It was unbelievable to think about how ungrateful I've been this week. Last week I took care of my mom as she was sick. This week my brother is sick. I have been so jealous. I have been tired of everyone else getting attention. God showed me how these children in Africa have nothing and no parents, and look at me being a selfish idiot. I have sooooooooo much and have so much to be thankful for. Of course I go through things, but nothing in comparison to these children. Plus, when I am struggling God is always is there to help me out, and that makes it all the better. I have not been completely ridded (if that is a word) of my jealousy and self- centered attitude, but at least I've been slapped by God, and He has showed me how crazy I've been acting. I am still battling. My flesh still wants me to be jealous and have a negative attitude, but I'm going to continue to push through and overcome this attitude. Jason also said we should live like Jesus is coming back in 5 minutes. That is so true. We wouldn't want God to show up with us acting like heathens. Let's live as if Jesus is physically watching our every move because He isn't here physically but He does see our every move. We need to work hard to Him proud and make our Jesus look good. One more thing, Angela said we're all united in Christ. That made me feel like no matter what we could worship to the fullest no matter who is around and we are all accepted by Christ. Sometimes I feel like I'm not accepted by anyone around me, but I know God will always accept me. Just think of it this way, Jesus died while we were sinning and He loves us knowing we ARE going to sin again. Isn't that incredible? Please keep Gabby's family in your prayers. She passed away in a car wreck this morning.

Helping people at School

I have had the privilege of getting to know me P.E. teacher. He is really cool. I have come to find out some things they have been going through for a long time. I have never been in the position they're in, but I figured there must be a way I can help. I have been praying for them. They have never been able to have children. This has resulted in them being mad at God. The lady has switched jobs four times in the past couple of months. It seems as if she is trying to find happiness in things other than God. I get to talk to my P.E. teacher every once and a while about it. So, yesterday I printed out some devotionals that I get on my email and some Scriptures and stuff. I thought that might help. Today I gave him those things and he seemed happy about it. It is his wife who has had the most trouble with this. I am going to continue to pray for them. I am so happy he feels like he can tell me these things because it's not too often an adult can share something so personal with a teenager. I feel privileged to be able to help him in any way and pray for him. Please keep him and his wife in your prayers even though you'll don't him. Even though this is a small thing, God has given me the opportunity to reach out and I'm going to take it.

Outreach at Prescott Middle

The outreach at Prescott Middle was incredible. The people there appreciated it so much and tons of people met at the Annex to help. We had a great time! I, being new to Refuge, met some really nice people. We painted bleachers, painted floors, and made over the teacher's lounge. We had the privilege of getting to pray in the teacher's lounge for the school. Today, we made a difference in the lives of the students and teachers at Prescott Middle School. I am so glad God chose us to be able to make a difference in our community. Like I had said, there are so many things we can do right where we live. I am so glad we got the chance to help the people at this school out. They have no money to renovate their school, but we did, and take it from me, it needed it. Every bit of money they receive has to go towards educational resources. Today, we got to go out and show the people around us God's love. That is such a privilege. I look forward to being able to participate in more outreaches in the near future.